Ants, ants, feking ants! I hate them. They make my skin crawl and I hate the thought of them stomping all over my food, eating it and then pooping all over it. Monday morning I woke up to a dustbin smothered in tiny little ant fukkas. At first I though it was a busted open tea bag, but tea grouts don't move. There was sweet melon skin in the bin and they were having an ant feast. I got the Dyson out and started sucking them into the jet engine, but as fast as I vacuumed them up they magically reappear. Once I got as many as I could up, I ran (literally) to my computer and Googled: how to get rid of ants. It said caulk the gaps that they appear from first. Then it said how they hate vinegar and most of all, cinnamon. So I ran to the tool cupboard, grabbed a loaded gun of caulk and blocked off all the gaps around the edge of the cupboard. Then I filled a spray bottle with vinegar, sprayed the whole surface area and wiped it out with a cloth. Then I placed a line of cinnamon along the entrance to the cupboard. Over the next couple of days I noticed a few scout ants that I took great joy in squishing before they could reach their Queen and tell them of the wonderful bounty they had discovered. Then this morning to my dismay I saw that they had found their way across the other side of the kitchen into the food cupboard. A small party was being had around a box dates. Crap. Little fukkas. I sat racking my brain about how to created a barrier around the circumference of the cupboard. It would be no good just blocking their ground floor entrance as ants can climb and walk upside-down. And the I had a EUREAK moment. I took sticky tape, smothered the tacky side in cinnamon and then stapled it all around the edges. Good luck getting to me food now ants! Your boarder access has been denied!
1 tbsp of honey
juice of half a lime
plenty of ice
mix the honey and lime together, then add a measure of Hendricks, pour over a glass filled with ice, top up with sparkling water, then pour into another glass and back again to mix thoroughly, then garnish with a little lime zest, cucumber slices and a lime wedge
never work in your kitchen, get creative and make some magic!